Well I must confess that I have spent the last several days throwing myself a MAJOR pity party. I was really enjoying myself at first--you know, making it all about ME--but after awhile I wanted some company, so I invited a few "friends"...maybe you know them too? Their names are Discontent, Ungrateful and Envy. At first they were a lot of fun to hang out with--you know, they understood me and sympathized with me. They had no problem joining ME in making the party all about ME. But it didn't take long for them to get on my nerves and frankly, wear out their welcome. In fact, they had made themselves so comfortable at my party, it was very hard to make them leave. I finally got so desperate to be rid of them, I called out to God and asked Him to help me. This morning He crashed my party. Let me explain.
You see, last night I attended a women's event at my church. I was having a great time because they were showing a Beth Moore video, I got to see some sweet friends that I have not seen in awhile, AND there was chocolate! (That's always a good thing!) So I was having a blast until the end of the evening, when a woman from my church was asked to share her testimony.
As I sat and listened to her story, I began to throw my little pity party. Right there in my seat, surrounded by hundreds of other women. The more details I heard her share, the more bitter I became. It seemed that so many things she shared about her personal journey were very similar to my own journey! In fact, my (ugly) prideful self sat there and thought "Why is she the one up there sharing? Why not ME?"
It was ugly and it was a pity party to end all pity parties and I was the not-so-proud guest of honor. I was seriously repulsed by the negative and self-centered thoughts I was having. Instead of praising God for her journey, I questioned why I was not her. (yuck)
On the way home, I turned off the radio and decided against calling a friend for sympathy. Instead, I--as Joyce Meyer says--"went to the Throne and not the phone". I cried out to God. I confessed my ugly thoughts and attitude. And I felt so horrible about the way I was feeling, I begged Him not to be silent, but to please directly address this issue with me.
This morning, I logged onto the computer and decided to check out Lysa TerKeurst's blog (of Proverbs 31 Ministries). Lately her posts have been very relevant to me, so I was hoping for some encouragement. Well, not only did I find encouragement, I found an answer to my prayer! Would you believe me that her blog's entry for TODAY is titled "Competing and Comparing" ? I'm still in shock! Is God amazing or what? I read it and it reminded me that God has laid on my heart many times that it is much more important for me to focus on blessing others than to focus on ME. (I hope you'll click that link above and read the article for yourself. If you ever struggle with competing or comparing, you'll find encouragement in her words).
Today I embrace a fresh perspective on my rotten attitude--and also notice that my pity party "friends" are finally gone. And I am reminded of this verse that Beth Moore discussed in her video last night:
"In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and He answered by setting me free." ~Psalm 118:5 NIV
**tomorrow I will share my thoughts on Lysa's post!