Funny thing...I have been dreading this day all week long, but so far it's been pretty amazing...a day that will surely call for lots of journaling later! ;)
This morning at 8:30 I had a job interview. I was not thrilled about it, to say the least. I don't LOVE interviews and I've been a stay at home mom for so long, I have very little self confidence when it comes to "marketing" myself and my skills.
Also, I have interviewed with this particular company before, and I know they like to throw a math question out at you. Suffice it to say, math is not one of my strong points. And hey, nothing boosts your self esteem like someone in your face, asking you to calculate something in your head as you stare back with no answer. THAT was one of the main reasons I was dreading this interview today. I kept thinking to myself "I'm just not smart enough. I'm going to be humiliated."
So I prayed a lot while getting ready for my interview. I just told God very honestly how I was feeling...how unsure of myself I was...how inadequate I felt. And I tell you, almost as if He were standing right next to me, I CLEARLY heard Him say "My power is made perfect in your weakness". And I cannot tell you the peace that came over me. I was actually thanking Him that I was weak so that I would have the opportunity to experience His power!
This would probably be a good time for me to also mention that I have bible study on Thursdays at 9:30. My interview was at 8:30. I REALLY wanted to make it to bible study, so I asked God if it was His will, to please help me make it there....AND I asked God to help me be confident in my interview. I think I specifically asked Him to PLEASE not let them ask me something I did not know the answer to! (How's that for specific?)
In a nutshell, the interview went well. I hit it off with the interviewer and she told me very quickly that she would be asking me back for a second interview. Um...no math questions were asked. :) In fact, because she had talked to me before, I think the interview may have lasted a total of 20-25 minutes SO I made bible study! :) At this point, I was rejoicing that God had taken care of every detail for me!
Before I tell you the best part of all--what "brought it all home" for me, I have to remind some of you that I am job hunting. And I am struggling with this because I love being at home. However, my husband has returned to school to get his Master's Degree which means he had to cut back on his hours...which also means he needs my help with some additional income. Ashamedly, I have fought him on this. But I do know and believe with all my heart that God wants me to submit. I have it in my head that HOME is where I can best serve God, but really, who am I to dictate something like that?? I want to be open to whatever God has planned for me. And since I pray everyday for God to guide my husband, I have to trust that submitting to my husband's request is exactly where God wants me to be.
But it's still scary for me. I lack self confidence and I worry. What will we do with the kids before and after school? How will they get to the places where they sometimes need to be in the middle of a workday? What will my house look like? How will I get dinner made? What kind of stress will this add to our home? God couldn't want that for us, could He? And in the midst of those questions I hear God telling me to trust Him without getting any of those questions answered.
Well the bible study I am attending is called "One in a Million--Journey to Your Promised Land" by Priscilla Shirer and it's all about hearing the voice of God and experiencing for yourself the abundant life He wants for you. Today, while talking about the Israelites leaving Egypt, she referenced this passage:
"When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, "If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt." So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea. The Israelites went up out of Egypt armed for battle....After leaving Succoth they camped at Etham on the edge of the desert." Exodus 13:17-18, 20
Did you catch that? God DELIBERATELY chose to lead the people He loved through the desert even though there was a shorter route. This caught my attention. I use a Life Application bible, so I looked to see what it said about this passage.
"God doesn't always work in the way that seems best to us. Instead of guiding the Israelites along the direct route from Egypt to the promised land, He took them by a longer route to avoid fighting with the Philistines. If God does not lead you along the shortest path to your goal, don't complain or resist. Follow Him willingly and trust Him to lead you safely around unseen obstacles. He can see your journey from beginning to end and He knows the safest and best routes."
I can't even tell you how that spoke to me and my questions. I began to cry right there. Then Priscilla Shirer said, "There are some things we don't know about ourselves until we are put in a position where we have to see God's power working through us...You can't see miracles unless there is an impossible situation you can't figure out for yourself."
Which quickly reminded me of what God had laid on my heart first thing this morning: His power is made perfect in my weakness.
Even though I feel weak and scared, I realize now that I am sitting on the edge of the desert--just as the Israelites were--and only by stepping out into the unknown will God's glory be revealed.
Father, give me holy boldness to follow You with my whole heart.